i think this will take me a few days to do so i may just wrap up a part im working on and continue again tomarrow
well it all started about 20 years ago... i was born.
i dont remember most of my child hood, or lack there of.. what i do remember, for the most part, i try not to.. there r somethings that i dont mind thinking of, but saddly it seems that's what left the caverns of my mind first
well i guess i should start in grade school.. ah grade school
first of all, i was a smart kid, im not just being egotistical either.. i was a really smart kid
i am told that i learned how to read in a week when i was 4 years old, i was smarter than my 2 brothers who r a doctor and a scientist when they were my age when i was in 1st grade
anyway... it wasnt easy for me... i had a cursed name there, al becuase of a stupid misunderstanding like 20-25 years ago, between my parents and a drunk guy who happens to b related to basicly everyone in town, so i was damned that way, but also from some bad habits that i had, one in which i would pick my nose (disgusting i know, give me a break i was a kid)
well what i would do is i would like to point at the older kids n the bus when i was in kindergarden, i'd see it as "cool, i can point at the big kids and they r scared of me" they saw it as "this disgusting little kid is trying to put his damn snot on us". they called me a faggot one day. ya, a couple of 7th graders called a 5-6 year old kid a faggot. it took me 4 years before i knew what a faggot was, and even longer before i knew the meaning they intended.
gradeschool took it's toll on me, not phisicly, tho i did build up my imunity to cold while in 7th and 8th grade, but the mental scars r the ones noone sees... went 8 long years, kindergarden to 7th grade, as a shy kid, hardly there, i was basicly not there. i had so much anger as i kid it wasnt even funny, it all came to a head my 8th grade year where i was a really agressive person, i had one kid so scared of me that if i was in the bathroom he'd leave, i pushed a kid into a bathroom stall door and put a small hole or a dent in the wall (i dont remember which one), i also got into several fights... ok, the one wasnt really a fight, par say but i did brawl with like 4 or 5 sixth graders and i did fight with a dumb kid , lets call him eathan, well eathan and i got along about as well as water and patasium (for those of u who aren't science nerds thats a particularly explosive combo) anyway, ethan was overweight, noticablly overweight, and he had won a ham at the anual church festival, and so of course, me being the kind of person i was then i gave him shit about it, fight ensued, i dont feel like going into the details, this is already turning into a fucking long post, im not gonna make it worse.. maybe some other day... anyway he hit me in the head with a ham and it hurt like a bitch, ney, probibly like 3 or 4 bitches, it hurt alot, gave me a nasty bump on my head and terrible headache, i also started to rebel against ppl, like teachers, and parents, and well, really everything, i wsa angry all the time, and really hateful, me and bob had some fun times then, ya, who'd have thunk it, me and bob haveing fun times and not trying to kill each other, but it was real, we broke so much stuff, set things on fire, it was a mess of a time, but it was MY time.
in high school i mellowed out a lot, like all my rage and anger was gone. but i still kept my shy nature, and my distrust of ppl, i am cursed to always believe that ppl r working some kind of angle, somehow making fun of me, if i dont know them and know that they are not making fun of me, then thats me first assumption, i always expect the worst, then hope for the best, never the other way around.
but in high school i did find love, not a woman, pfft, not likely, but i found something even better, imn my opinion, i found my love of theatre... before u start critisizing, theatre doesnt cause any drama, ppl do, theatre is just there, it will love u as mush as u love it and it will treat u with respect, ppl seldom do any of that most pl will take what the y want and spit out the rest.. i also found chess club.. i figured i knew how to play chess, i cant play well, but i know how, so that was that.. and in 10th grade in english class i hit some kind of a record, i must have, if nothing else it was a record for me... lowest grade ever.. 42%.. yep.. apparently homework counts for about 68% in smith's english class (lol) but anyway, that the grade that landed me in the rival public school, where i met my friend jon, who is now a marine in japan, who i hold basicly completely responcible for my last summer but thats a story for another time, like i said earlier, this thig is already damn long, i dont want to have u spend a damn day reading this thing.
anyway. high school comes and goes and now i'm in college... thats the big things in my life that i can remember... now on to the daily thing...
[thursday--11/12/09--11:52]
i'm almost afraind to say this... it was a pretty good day today... nothing's happening?... ok, good... i had a decent day today... i didnt get to go to DPS like i wanted to (DPS= Dead Poet's Society after the movie) but thats fine, it's not like i told ppl i was coming and (sad to say, it probibly wont live much longer, due to ppl thinking that poetry is gay, or stupid, or maybe just hard, not man ppl r in it this year, only like 5 ppl.. but anyway, i didnt get my part of my music project done, tho i did try, thats a step up.
but ya, my friend was doin good today, which is a nice change, i'll call he "Sue" but saddly ann isnt doing well.. but o well, hopefully she will feel better
well it's late so i'll leave u with a....
thought of the day...
"always listen to ur gut feelings
they know more than u ever will
i learned that the hard way"
they know more than u ever will
i learned that the hard way"
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